Contact

Michelle LaRowe

Phone: 508 341 4109

Email: MichelleLaRowe@gmail.com










































 

For Infants

When holding a baby that is unfamiliar with you, hold them facing outwards - close to your stomach, one hand under their bottom, one hand across their chest under their arms and rhythmically bounce or sway them gently. They will see their familiar surroundings and not be overcome by the smells of your perfume, laundry detergent,  hair products or other scents that they would quickly recognize as new - and not belonging to mommy. Also, this avoids making direct eye contact with the child, which at first can be overwhelming to a child in the arms of someone new to them.

For Pre-Schoolers

Discipline flows out of love, punishment flows out of anger. Effective discipline means to teach and raise up in a manner that will impact moral development and consciousness. To have effective discipline the rules and consequences must be clear and consistent and the disciplinarians must all be on the same page, of the same book - that you hopefully wrote together. One team of two is stronger then two teams of one.

For Grade Schoolers

Never do for a child what they can do for themselves. If your child can tie their shoes, although it may be quicker - and very tempting to do it for them - allowing them to do it on their own builds lasting self esteem. Completing difficult tasks through determination and persistence allows your child to feel proud and accomplished and gives you an opportunity to enjoy with your child and praise them for each of their victories.

5C'of Effective Discipline




Too often the words discipline and punishment are used interchangeably, when in fact, they stem from completely different ends of the emotional parenting spectrum. One stems from love, the other from anger.

Discipline is proactive. It’s an ongoing process that eventually and gradually instills your families’ values and morals into your child. Its literal meaning is “to teach and to raise up.” Discipline builds up a child’s self-esteem and self-worth, and never tears them down. It focuses on the behavior, not the child.

I often tell parents, “Believe me, it would be much easier if I let your child use inappropriate language, but because I love him and want what is best for him, he needs to understand the difference between what is and what is not acceptable.”

When a parent effectively disciplines a child over time, the child develops an inner compass that steers them toward the standards and expectations that they have instilled. When you’ve been proactive in establishing external boundaries, and when a child eventually flies the nest to be on their own (even if it’s for a few short hours at a friends house), those behaviors will have become internally rooted. In other words, he’ll usually behave the way you’ve taught him to because that’s all he knows. When children are held to high standards consistently, the standards to which they are held become their norm.

Punishment is reactive. It’s a pain inflicted style of correction that results in fear based obedience. The child doesn’t want the sting of the stick, the slap of the hand, or the lash of the tongue, so they do whatever is needed to avoid it. Mother says “Jump” and the child asks, “How high?” -- With no understanding of what is even being asked. There is no training accomplished, no lesson learned - just a clear understanding that they don’t want to make mom or dad mad.

COMPREHENDING the difference between discipline and punishment is the first step on the path of effective discipline. Understanding true discipline will put you in the perfect mind set needed to be a responding, loving disciplinarian rather than a reactionary dictator. I often have parents tell me “It’s hard to say no” or “I want to be his friend.” When you understand that discipline is truly a gift of love, and that saying “no” is the best way to be a parent in certain situations, you will be much more ready to give it freely. Also, though there are elements of friendship between parent and child, this is a very gradual slide. When your child is very young, don’t try to be his friend. If you are a good parent, in about sixteen or so years, you’ll enjoy the wonderful surprise of having raised a delightful friend. Remember, friendship is a byproduct of good parenting.

CLAIRITY is the second aspect of effective discipline. A child can only abide by the rules if he has a clear understanding of what they are. With young children, there can be no gray area. A behavior is either acceptable, or not acceptable. The consequence also has to be clearly defined. Breaking a rule always has to have the same consequence, no exceptions.

CONSISTENCY plays the biggest role in determining the effectiveness of discipline. Having a predictable, unchanging response to a child’s unacceptable action will result in a change of behavior. This is equally true for positive reinforcement. If a child consistently receives praise for a desirable action, that action will then eventually become the default behavior.

CONSIDERATION is the forth step on the path to effective discipline. Always be considerate of the little loving heart inside the little loving child. Taking the emotion out of discipline will always ensure that you are condemning the behavior, not the child. Be sure that you are building up, never tearing down your child. Your child should never wonder if you love him. –Continually emphasize that “You are a good boy, It’s just that your behavior sometimes stinks!”

CENTERING YOUR FAITH is the fifth and most important aspect of effective discipline. Whether they are spoken or not, each family has their own set of morals, values and religious beliefs. If you don’t communicate your beliefs to your child, someone else will communicate theirs. Your spiritual foundation is the basis for what you deem acceptable and unacceptable in your home. It’s the standard measure you apply when faced with making decisions that affect your family. It’s this code that determines how you view the world and is the same vision that you impart to your child. Many families revisit their view on God and on Church after children, because when the children come, the questions they have follow. Be prepared to answer their questions by defining what you believe. The Bible is a great blue print for family living, filled with dysfunctional families and their adventures to redemption through the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ.